Many people saw my uber pissed face this afternoon. I'm sorry, but i just can't help it. Everyone was telling me how much they are afraid to approach me on seeing my bloody ass angry look. The only thing i could someup today is that i feel that i have become a Chameleon and i am seriously fedup stressed and tired. Why? I can be still smiling to u in the morning and show u an uber pissed look in the evening. And den the next moment back to happy mood again.
I'm not a robot nor am i as capable as a SC to tahan so many things to do at one go.
The 4 damn vulgar letters has been in my heart for like dunno how long. I realli wished that i could go to a beach where there is no one and shout my ass out like what had happened on tv. I'm so damn stressed when money is concerned.. and of cos I'm so damn ass angry with myself. The thing i regretted most in my JC life is that i initiated to be a Finance Manager. I really feel that the current finance system is in a mess and i feel that i am such a lousy Chief Finance Manager. I feel that i disappoint ppl time and again. realli.. Why Chose me in the first place? *Sigh. Plus the fellow Financial Manager of mine always ask me "How ah?". Can't u freakingly make ur own decisions urself? Your BU Concerns ur BU.. just do what u want to do. Can't u see i'm busy enough? Stop bothering me!
I feel that my life kinda turn in to a mess and sometimes i realli hated telling ppl how angry i am or upset i am.. cos i scare i will break down. It's realli terrible to instruct ppl to do things when u urself in the first place couldn't make decision yourself. Sorry i'm not that kind of leader or wad. And sometimes i find that when i assign ppl jobs yet i didn't help up, ppl will gossip and complain behind ur back.
Sometimes i am so tired that i realli wish i could skip the whole thing and leave them all behind. But can i do so? I am the Chief Finance Manager and i should be reliable to the whole thing. I realli wished that i can just dun care abt tt damn Cleaning Up of JJ Affinity for Recruitment Drive, but think twice.. Can i dun go? there are only 2 Finance Manager who are in charge of affinity whom 1 u can see couldn't make decisions herself. Would i have the heart not to go? No, i will feel damn guilty. U think i will bear to leave behind so many ppl to clear up my lan tan zi? I think on monday i kinda scare yiqi when i said in a uber serious tone to Mountain "I WANNA QUIT LE LA!"
Sometimes i really wonder how some ppl have the heart to PON the cca leaving stacks and stacks of work for others to do or slacking around not helping anything.
The thing i'm most angry with is.. i still feel that ms tiong shouldn't include ppl who are involve in love fiesta in the recruitment drive. Maybe right from the start when i told her i wanted to withdraw from love fiesta it should be the right choice. Now i still must be involve in the Welcome-tea stuff and even that Video editing course that should be held during the holidays. This meant that i joined all the programmes la. Freak hell. I was quite angry with ms tiong today cos i realli dunno what she wanted! And plus what she once said to Love Fiesta com "U all must help kawai with recruitment drive u noe.. she very stress now!" How about us? who help those Love Fiesta Com ppl u tell me.. We have so little time to revise our work when tests are all coming up.
I am really angry. we have 33 ppl in the whole of eclub. and dey say they realli needed ppl to help up. Today after i clean up the JJ Affinity, i passed by the booth. Look at it.. at one glance. How many ppl are actually helping up? how many ppl are actually sitting at the booth slacking? Arghhhs.
Fine wadever, maybe i should just handle the work myself, and prevent more confusion. What i feel guilty most is that i have to drag Alena and Char down the water. At least i feel that my BU1 members are more than willing to help me when i needed help. Thanx a lot for all the help given as i realli appreciated it.
9:18 PM
